It's Been a Year...But I Know He's Watching

I have incredibly mixed emotions about today, November 15.  I’m greatly saddened that my only brother passed away from melanoma one year ago today.  And yet, in carrying on his campaign to raise melanoma and skin cancer awareness, I have “met” so many wonderful people and felt that I’ve contributed to the cause and grown as a person.  Don’t get me wrong…I would trade this great experience with BITNP in a heartbeat to have Jeff back.  But alas, that’s not to be.  So today, I choose not to commemorate his death, but honor the life he’s continued to instill in me.  I miss him…and think of him every day.  But I also know that he’s with me.  In fact, he told me so.

I used to keep another blog...one that shared random thoughts.  Some were funny…some were touching…many sucked.  But I enjoyed writing.  I never really knew what to write about...only that I enjoyed sharing my thoughts.  I had no real focus to my work, and I really only had one full time reader.  That was Jeff.  His passing is one reason I haven’t written in that blog for about a year.  My last posting was about…well, I’ll let you read it.  I’ll edit it a little, but the following is basically what I shared about a year ago:

If you’ve read some of my Facebook postings, you know that I engage in a hobby known as geocaching. Basically, geocaching is a global scavenger hunt. The location of hidden objects can be found on the website, Geocaching.com. If you type in an address and find the link to a map, you’ll see that there’s most likely a hidden object nearby. There are about 5,000 “treasures” hidden within a 10-mile radius of my house. In fact, there are well over a million such treasures, or caches, hidden world-wide from county parks or city blocks and even the International Space Station. I bet there’s one near you!

Caches are rated 1 to 5 for both difficulty and terrain with 1 being the easiest. Seeing as I’m not a rock climber or scuba diver, I tend to look for ones rated 1.5 or easier. Whenever I travel out of town, I can load the latest cache locations into my GPS along with previous logs from other geocachers and a description of what I’m looking for. Caches can range in size from smaller than a thimble to a rather large water-proof box. I’ve found all sorts, although there are some types that are more common than others.

A 35mm film canister makes a perfect geocache container. Other geocachers hide the caches for others to find. One simply places a log inside for geocachers to record their find and perhaps adds a coin or little trinket as a reward. All caches contain a log on which the finder will sign his or her geocaching name (mine is MountieAl). Most small caches contain only a log. The “treasure” is in the hunt itself, not the end prize. Anyhow, one takes this small container and hides it in a tree stump or other such place. One very common hiding location is within a light pole in a parking lot. Most poles have a metal or plastic skirt at the base of the pole which can easily slide up, thus making a perfect hiding place for smaller caches underneath. And yes, most cachers will giggle when announcing they’ve found a cache “under a skirt.”

Jeff read a few Facebook postings of my initial geocaching finds and asked me about the hobby. After I described it, he started looking for some in Ohio, especially while walking his dog. I remember the first day he found one…he called me on his cell phone asking questions and giving me updates. He was so thrilled at the first find, and I could tell he was hooked. “Jadestep” was introduced to the geocaching world. As he always did with things that interested him, he quickly became very involved in the hobby and even helped organize a few Geocaching gatherings. He started to become one of the more involved geocachers in the Akron area.

When Jeff and I attended my step-mother’s family reunion in June, we made sure to go on a Hurricane, WV area “cache run” together. We found about eight caches that day…a record for me at the time. When we finished, my dad commented that geocaching was the first thing Jeff and I had done “together” in a long, long time. And it was true…somehow this silly little hobby bonded us closer than we’d been in years.

During that trip, Jeff commented that he had wanted to hide his own on a guardrail near the Walgreen’s in Hurricane. He always liked puns and many geocaches were given such titles which would also offer up a clue to the hide. His idea for this cache was “Guarding the Wal.” Jeff was always quite clever. Sadly, he never got to hide that cache.

Before I traveled to WV for Jeff’s funeral, I loaded the caches along my travel route into my GPS as I usually do. Granted, I had no intention of making this a caching trip, but seeing as how he loved to geocache, I thought it appropriate to be able to find one or two during the trip...perhaps at a rest area along the highway or near a restaurant during a lunch or dinner break. But honestly, my mind was far from caches as I drove up the day before his funeral.

On the morning of the funeral, I decided to take the car out to fill up with gas while the rest of my family prepared for the somber day. As I drove past that Walgreen’s in Hurricane, I noticed an icon on my GPS indicating a newer cache had been hidden near the drug store only a couple weeks prior. Again, I hadn’t planned on seeking any caches, particularly on the day of Jeff’s funeral, but curiosity got the better of me. I drove past the guardrails and into the parking lot. The GPS directed me to a light post on the parking lot edge, with a sign attached stating “Area Under Video Surveillance.”

I pushed a few buttons on my GPS to read about the cache and look for any clues. What I read gave me chills. I jumped out of the car, lifted the skirt (giggle) and grabbed the 35 mm film canister. There was only a log inside, as suspected, and I signed it “MountieAl for Jadestep.” I returned the cache to its hiding place for others to find and then sat back in the car with my heart racing. Tears started to well up as I drove off.

It wasn’t the content of the cache, nor even the coincidental location of this geocaches that had me rattled.  It was the title of this geocaches that had me shaken…and yet smiling.  The name?

 “Big Brother Is Watching.”

(true story…100%)

So you see, my brother DID tell me that he’d be with me.  He’s watching my life’s path and guiding me.  And that’s why on this day…a day that marks a year since feeling great sadness, I feel great joy and confidence.

I miss you big brother…now let’s go find another cache.

Caching and Remembering

As I’ve browsed the skin cancer blogosphere and roamed the halls at the Hotel Melanoma, I’ve encountered two types of folks.  The first are those who share their personal experiences with the disease.  The second are folks who share their thoughts and awareness campaigns in honor or memory of a loved one that battled melanoma.  My blog and Jodi’s 5K run are dedicated to those who have passed and we intend to carry on their messages.  We are inspired by our loved ones ever day.  But some days, we simply just miss them.  Today was such a day for me.

About two years ago, I started a hobby, activity… I’m not sure how one might categorize it.  Anyhow, I started to geocache.  In simple terms, geocaching is the act of using one’s GPS to locate items hidden by others.  The coordinates are listed in geocaching.com (where else?) along with a description and an online log of all the people who have visited.  You can log on to the site if you’re interested in more detail.  It’s rather neat in that there are thousands of hidden “caches” (many containing cheap trinkets…all containing a log sheet) all over the place.  For those familiar with the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in NY, there’s a cache hidden at E 70^th St between 1^st Avenue and York Avenue.  But I digress.

A couple of months after I started geocaching, I told my brother about it.  Jeff is seven years older than I, so we never really got into the same things.  And once we both were well into adulthood, we simply lived too far away from one another.  He last lived near Akron, OH and I live near Raleigh, NC.  Because of the age and physical distance, we really never talked but once a month or so on the phone, if that.  Anyhow, he took great interest in geocaching, and before you know it, he and I were calling each other weekly to describe our latest caching adventures.   He became the one person I looked forward to sharing such stories with and I believe he felt the same.  Sure, we’d share with our wives, but only Jeff and I really understood one another regarding this hobby.  This silly high-tech scavenger hunt really brought us closer together.

I didn’t stop geocaching after Jeff died, but I was never as enthused about it.  I enjoy going out into the woods or scanning hiding places in office parks (yes, we have our fair share of encounters with “secuirity”).  Earlier this year, I even got three “first-to-finds” in one day…a difficult feat since many cachers are devoted simply to being the first to make a find.  When I found my third, I grabbed my cell phone and started to dial my brother.  Then I realized he’d been gone for 4 months. 

Damn.

I hadn’t been caching recently until this past Saturday.  I went to the aforementioned 5K walk/run in the morning, and then decided to attend a geocaching event close by afterwards.  Two events closely linked to my brother.  I was inspired to go find a couple of caches as I drove home…just for Jeff.  Today, I saw where a few new caches were hidden along my commute route.  I decided to stop by one and look.  I found myself at a dead-end road with plenty of trees surrounding the area.  I carefully trekked through the woods as I stared at my GPS, carefully avoiding spider webs and tick-infested trees.  I felt I was zeroing in when I heard a loud buzzing.  A wasp was right next to my face…and I freaked out.  Like Indiana Jones running away from the ball, I flew through the brush and spider webs and back to my car.  And then it occurred to me…there are spiders on them thar webs!  So I followed my out-of-woods sprint with the “there’s a spider on me” dance.  Thank goodness the area was isolated or else I would have surely been seen as totally crazy.  Once my heart-rate settled, I saw the humor in it all, I started to laugh.  Another geocaching adventure…and I instinctively reached for my cell phone.

Damn.

Melanoma has a devastating effect on those it invades.  Blogs written by those who have suffered (or are suffering) through the disease's attacks are an incredible read and very eye-opening.  But also know that it's not important just to protect yourself from melanoma, it's important to protect your loved ones.  Don't be afraid to remind a relative or friend to apply sunscreen.  Don't be too shy to mention that their visit to a tanning salon is a really bad idea.  Losing a loved one to melanoma has lasting effects on you as well.

One footnote to this is that when one finds a cache, one goes back online and logs the find with any comments regarding the condition of the cache or any side stories (such as a notice that there may be wasps in the area).  Ever since Jeff’s passing, I’ve written my log entries with the following closing, “Thanks for placing this cache, and don’t forget to wear your sunscreen!”  It’s my way of bringing Jeff along on another adventure.

Cat's in the Cradle

A personal note…this post really has little to do about melanoma or skin cancer, but is a memory of my brother Jeff who is the inspiration for my blog site and current awareness campaign. 

Typically, a posting with a song title is more likely found over at the Hotel Melanoma (check out Rich’s blog if you haven’t yet, and prepare for some toe-tapping).  The title of this posting is indeed that of a song, but it has further meaning for me.

A little over a year ago, I had a dilemma.  I had only a limited amount of vacation days at work, and two out-of-town events to which I was invited.  One was a family reunion, but technically not my family.  A couple years after my mother died, my dad married a wonderful lady named Kitty.  Apparently her family, the Finch’s, held a family reunion every two years, and my dad asked me, my wife and my kids to attend the one scheduled in June, 2010.  I really don’t know Kitty’s family at all and wasn’t sure I wanted to drag the family 6-plus hours to West Virginia to spend a day or two with strangers.

The second event was my 30^th high school class reunion.  I had attended a different university than many of my high school friends, and then my life and career path took me on a far different course than theirs.  While I kept sporadic touch with few acquaintances over the years, I essentially lost touch with many friends from my past.  I might have had little interest in attending the reunion, but Facebook helped me reconnect with many, and the temptation to go back for the reunion was strong.  I knew my wife would be bored with the events and my kids would not have wanted to hang around daddy and some other old people.

I wanted to attend both, but again, my vacation days only allowed me to attend one.  For me, it was a toss-up.  Spend time with family that, while our time together is rare, I’ll most likely see again soon…or visit old friends I’d not seen for decades.  At times when I had trouble making such a decision, I’d call my brother Jeff, so I did.  He shared some of the good times he had at his class reunions and also mentioned that he went to the Finch reunion two years prior and had a pretty good time.  Well, at least he would be there…but still I was undecided.  Then Jeff said four words…”Cat’s in the Cradle.”

My dad was 76 last spring.  While he was in generally good health, he wasn’t getting any younger.  Each time I saw him…at a frequency of every 3 to 6 months…he appeared to age every bit of it.  His advancing aging stopped somewhat when he met Kitty…she reinvigorated him quite a bit after his depression following Mom’s death.  Still, he was 76…and this is what my brother was referring to.  Essentially, it was much like the Harry Chapin song.   The father-son relationship in the song is such that the father is always too busy to play with his son time, yet the son continues to admire the dad.  And when the father suddenly has more time later in retirement, his son is grown and too busy to spend time with his dad.  What my brother was hinting at was that I should pick the family reunion and spend time with Dad…because we really didn’t know how much time we all had together.

I decided on the Finch reunion.  And I had a great time.  But the best part was that I got to see my brother and his wife for the first time in a few years.  Sure, I met a bunch of Finch family members that, honestly, I can’t remember now.  But I remember playing cornhole and passing Frisbee with my brother.  I also recall that he and I spent the morning together before the picnic sharing a hobby we both enjoyed…geocaching.  I’ll share a few stories about that another time, but the thing is, we spent about three hours together doing this activity.  Waking up early in the morning like a couple of fishermen, we headed out on our quest.  And we had a blast doing it!  In fact, I can’t recall anything we’d done together like that since we were kids.  My dad even made note of the fact, and commented how much it pleased him to see the two of us bonding and spending time together.

I suppose you can guess the irony of all this.  It wasn’t dad who I might not see again…it was Jeff.  The reunion was June 19, 2010…about a year ago.  That turned out to be a fun reunion for my family, and a special day personally with my brother.  It also was the last time I saw my brother healthy.  I talked to him weekly, and I saw him once more before he died of Stage IV melanoma, but that day one year ago was truly special, and shall continue to be. 

“We sure had a good time then, Jeff, we sure had a good time then.”